I know you are all curious as to why I haven’t talked about him, and it turns out my “God sent man” isn’t so heavenly after all.
I have not ever had a hunch that’s been wrong–so by stalking her fb and insta and twitter (lol) I found out that the OTHER girlfriend is a 20 year old waitress at a local restaurant she’s a mom, too, and I genuinely hope they are happy together. I asked and asked and asked, and never got an answer until I decided that his type of love is not the type of love I need at this point (or any point) in my life and ended things. I miss him, and we do still speak, but I spent enough time being a secret and I refuse to do so again.
I’m not mad, just more disappointed than anything, but I am thankful for the things that I have learned from meeting him–like that now I know my worth instead of continually letting a man devalue me and I left when I knew something didn’t feel right instead of being hopeful (read as dumb). I know that I enjoy the company of older men more than I do those my own age, and I know that I would like to date another coach, but it’s not a requirement. But the biggest lesson I have learned is if something feels like it’s not right, it isn’t. Another thing I’ve learned is that I previously said I’d never date another black man, but I really do want to experience powerful black love.
I feel like I probably put too much hope into someone being “the one” just because they’re what I prayed for. Sometimes what you’ve spent so much time praying for shows up as a lesson instead of a blessing. I’m not sad, because I know that I am valuable and strong and special and one day someone will value that and not have a secret baby girlfriend that talks like a man and refers to the guys she’s dating as “niggas”. That may be his type and that is not me. It’s fine.
I don’t need to bash or ridicule him or for anyone to say that he sucks, because I ended things due to my own personal reasons, finding out about her just happened after the fact. I’m not a victim, my love isn’t for everyone, and everyone isn’t me. My choice to be faithful and pursue one man at once is not the same idea everyone has. One day, my guy will come, and until then I am calmly working on myself and learning how to love another adult (and slowly dying alone every day lmao). Perhaps my lesson is that I have grown as a woman and in my comfort as a single. Every run in with douchebaggery is preparation for the amazing things that will come from the one that’s meant to love me and all my neurotic tendencies.
I do wish him all the best, but I had to unfriend his ass on Facebook 😂😂😂😂