Yesterday made a year since the last time BD and I tried to reconcile and be a family and it (plus a low alcohol tolerance and one Mike’s Lite lemonade) caused me to do a lot of thinking this weekend. The one thing I wanted most in the world–to NOT be a single mother–didn’t happen. And it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I never thought that I could be happy in a situation like this, I thought that having the nuclear family was what would make me happy. But once I really thought about it, I don’t know if I could say I would be happy right now if things had worked out. This time last year I couldn’t ever believe that I would smile again, or that I would feel like a whole woman because I had “failed” at making my family work. But I didn’t and I still haven’t. I do just as much for my family, it’s just one person short.
What I’ve learned over the past year is that not getting the “American Dream” I had in mind of having my family together and not having to share custody is the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. Let Beyonce tell you: