A letter to the father of my son

Dear Bd,

I wish that you could understand my place in all this. That no matter how mad you get or how often you take me to court, I will still by my son’s mother. There is no woman on this earth that can be his mother. I wasn’t put here to to put the importance of a good upbringing on the back burner because you say so–I was born to raise my son to be a successful man. He was given to me and I was given to him so that we both can bring out the best in each other.

I don’t have to explain to you why I am a good mother, I am, and you know that. Truthfully, this child can not be raised without me. He can not learn to love, or to use his heart before his hands without me. He can not learn to value the lives of other human beings from you. Sure, you have done your visits the way you are supposed to, but visiting and parenting are two different things. I can let you know the rules I have set for him, then watch you break them. It took two months for you to even put him in pull ups like I asked. You see, what you don’t understand is that doing things to hurt me (like allowing others to disrespect me, not paying child support because you don’t want to help me etc) affects my son. He hears you talking, and sees the contempt of your actions. If there comes a day that he decides he doesn’t want to see you anymore because of it, you’ll have yourself to blame and I will not force him to come. 

It’s fairly obvious you can not raise him without me, but honestly I can not raise him without you. You are here to show me my own strength, and to help me learn my worth among other things–for him? That lesson is still to be determined. It doesn’t matter how well you treat your wife, the way you treat me is the example he will see for how he treats women. You can either be there to teach him to be a man in a positive way or a negative way. For some reason I know my son will be the person to finally see you without your mask. Children know more than you think. If he hasn’t already, he will realize you use him as a trophy. As a cute little figurehead for your “World’s Best Dad” social media campaign, while in real life you complain that he exists and talk about how he has burdened you and your youth. 

There is one thing I will not allow from you; teaching him that love is fleeting and based upon what you can get from someone. I will not allow you to teach him that everything is a scheme and love should only be used to get what you want. I will not allow you to show my son that affection is for everyone. His love is sacred and it shouldn’t be passed around to any and every human. My son is amazing and special and if you can not see that, you don’t deserve his affection. The love of a child for his parent is inherent. That doesn’t mean you’re the world’s greatest. He’s still young and there’s still a chance to cut the shit-I’m not going to push you out because no matter what lesson you choose to teach I will be here. I will love and support my son until the day I die, through every up and down, through every fight and every happy moment. There is nothing you can do, no one you can marry and no word you can say that will stop me from being a mother to my son. Coming from experience, the best way to lose the respect of your child is to disrespect their mother. 

Being a parent doesn’t leave the option of selfishness. Learn it now, or learn it the hard way.


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