We need to talk.

Two years ago I started an anonymous twitter to vent to myself about my struggles. Today, bd attempted to blow it all up by posting all my information on his Facebook.

That means my personal feelings about MYSELF on MY blog have been blasted to the world of people I know for all to see. As if that’s not a violation of my privacy. So yeah. We need to talk about that.

fake twitter and blog dedicated to “disrespecting” my son’s dad..hmmm..look through my tweets. Look at my posts. Very few of them are about him. I made this blog so I could get my feelings out without having to tell anyone in the “real” world how I felt. Anonymously. That’s the point of being anon. For protection of my job, the people I have to vent about sometimes, and (surprisingly) my son’s father who ever so eloquently tried to out me.

I’m offended. Deeply. You see, I am a bit confused. What did he wish to accomplish? You want me to lose my job and not be able to support my son? Would you like it if I lose the friends I don’t have? Did you think you could make me look pathetic? Because if you look back on the events of this whole weekend, you pissed me off in order to get me to rant about you and decided that was a good time to post a very personal blog about how I don’t feel pretty anymore and claim its about you for pity. That’s a shame. I could very well lose my job, my position as a coach, and have trouble getting jobs in the future. Which affects our child. So what did you think you were getting done?

Do you think it makes you look good to “out” me to most of the people that tell me how crazy and disrespectful you are? Did you wish to make it seem its me that’s obsessed with you? Since I never visit your twitter or IG or FB and actually have you blocked on all three? It seems to me what is the most disrespectful thing here is that you took it upon yourself to stalk out my very personal thoughts, read them constantly for months then post them on Facebook like a true adult for tons of people I know to read.

My mother/sister/cousin reading about how hard I struggled to get over a breakup this summer. About how hard it is to deal with you (for very obvious reasons), about how sometimes it hurts my feelings that you’re a jerk and yeah sometimes laughing at how stupid and fake you are (the same thing everyone else does in my text messages weekly).

For two years, you have sought to rule my life. To “put me in my place” or to silence me by attempting to embarrass me. Well guess what? I’m not embarrassed. Look at all the friends I have made here in my two years as an anon that support me. The ones that know how YOU are from a) speaking to me about it, and b) this occurrence. Do you think it makes ME look bad that you’re obsessed with me? That you exposed the one place I could be myself? Do you think this means you win? That you’re more mature, or better than me? Or do you think it seems like what it is–you being worried about what I’m doing. You thinking everything I say and every thought I have is about you. You, exposing my bare heart to the world for your own personal gain.

Everything I have said here is true. And not all of it is about you. What good did it do for you to tell people that I think I’m fat and ugly? That no one will ever love me? That it made me sad my first love got engaged and is having a baby? None of that had anything to do with you, and neither do I. This isn’t about me being sad about seeing families at the park, and its not about getting played by K. This is about you believing you own me. that because I mothered your child I do as you say, I put up with your crap and I say nothing. If I were a feminist I’d be all over it, but I’m not. Instead I’m pissed you thought you could take away my only place to myself. Just like you thought you could take away all my friends, and all my happiness years ago. There have been so many times I have posted how glad I am God didn’t give me you, but this time takes the cake. I am still so very happy to be in the position I am in.

Not loving you, and not putting up with your constant games and bs doesn’t make me “disrespectful” of you. Why do I owe you respect, first of all. What have you done for me or my child that I can’t do for myself? That I haven’t done myself? I’ll wait. It’s not trash talk if its true facts. So let’s get a few things straight–you made a fool of no one but yourself and you proved just how immature you are. Again.

As you continue to stalk my personal and anon and Instagram and try to add me on Snapchat to stalk me there as well, I’ll say this–I still couldn’t care less about your life, your feelings, or your so called Facebook outings of my blog that is very much me since most of my followers have seen my picture posted and even follow me on Instagram. All you need to worry about is whether or not I am raising our son (and I am) because that’s the only involvement you should have in my life.

Am I ashamed of having feelings and being annoyed of having to be the bigger person constantly while you belittle me and act like you’re superior to everyone in the world? Nope. It’s called an opinion and this is mine. YOU will be the one living with yourself if I lose my job due to your ignorance. Not that you care whether or not I can support our kid.  I’m still totally confused about why you think my business is yours to share with your “friends”. It’s really sad how low you had to sink in order to attempt to gain control over me, but I’m not going anywhere and I’m still going to be thankful every single day I am given that I am a Single Supermama and not your prisoner.

Everyone check my stuff out! It’s most definitely all of your business.

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